If Brooklyn Nine-Nine characters were examinees

Brooklyn Nine-Nine is a sitcom—without the god-awful canned laughter—that’s centered around the lives of the funniest police officers in the 99th precinct of the New York Police Department. It follows their strange lives and how they interact with each other, both in the workplace and outside. It is chock-full of unique and eccentric characters, each filled to the brim with idiosyncrasies that leave one in stitches.

Much like in the 99th precinct bullpen, eccentric characters seem to be present in the exam hall as well. What if we were to talk about all the memorable types of exam-takers, Nine-nine style!

The following 7 types of people are likely to be seen in an exam hall.

1. The Amy Santiago:

They’re the quintessential Type A a.k.a. the neurotic perfectionist. They were present for every lecture. Every. Single. One. They started preparing for the exams months ago. The Amy Santiagos step into the exam hall like they’re going into battle—armed with a hundred highlighters, and you best believe they’re there to win. They’re the first to complete their paper and even discover mistakes in the question papers. And no, they will NOT help you cheat, in case you were hoping for it because “That’s against the rules! What’s wrong with you!

2. The Jake Peralta:

A.k.a the anti-Santiago. Definitely the most chaotic of them all, their bloodstream is more coffee than blood at this point. ‘Notes? What notes?’—they only start preparing the night before the exam. The Jake Peraltas show up wearing the same clothes as the previous day. They get their marks deducted because the professor is unable to decipher their chicken scratch which is a result of the nap they took mid-exam. They are the most annoying of the lot because they still manage to be one of the top scorers somehow.

3. The Charles Boyle:

Does anxiety count as a personality trait? The Charles Boyles would argue that it does. Their studiousness is unfortunately paired with their inherent indecisiveness which is why they spend way too long on every question. This particular type is never able to complete its exam on time, always resulting in undignified pleading for ‘just ten more minutes, please!’. They get caught multiple times for helping others cheat.

4. The Rosa Diaz:

A cryptid if you ever saw one! You’re not even sure if you know their real name. You only see them during exams and submission days. The Rosa Diazes have no patience for your small talk. Or your talk. Or you! They sprint out the door as soon as the bell rings whether or not they’ve completed the exam. Were they ever really there? You’ll never know!

5. The Terry Jeffords:

The Terry Jeffords-es are normally Teletubbies but exam time turns them into a werewolf, except instead of serial murder, they do serial stress-eating. They carry snacks into the exam hall and are incapable of coping with any sort of stress, so you can expect to hear their pens breaking every now and again. They have a habit of talking to themselves during the exam—don’t judge, it’s the only way they can remember everything.

6. The Gina Linetti:

If Amy Santiagos are Type A, then Gina Linettis are Type B. Uncaring and unbothered, they are the self-appointed divas. They walk into the exam hall 15 minutes late with a Starbucks but somehow find the time to update their Instagram story four minutes before the exam with the caption #ExamsSuuuuuuck. You can hear them stage-whisper from across the hall, asking ‘Which exam is this again?’. The Gina Linettis are bold enough to copy-paste the entire paper from the poor kid sitting beside them and miraculously manage to not get caught. You can probably hear them popping their bubblegum obnoxiously throughout the exam. You secretly wish you were them!

7. The Raymond Holt:

They are a less neurotic or a more powerful version of Amy Santiago (whichever description you prefer). You could probably make a textbook out of their answer sheets. They know all the quotes verbatim and remember all the dates. The scary part is that they remember all this not because they have to but because they actually like it. They’re the ones asking for a supplementary sheet 30 minutes into the exam. They’re smart enough to teach the professors themselves and don’t think they won’t, because the Raymond Holt will make sure you’re aware of just how smart they are. You’ve never seen them blink—is that normal?

Bonus The Hitchcock and Scully:

‘Wait, we had an exam today?’

Do any of these remind you of your friends? Tell us which of these types is most like you.

Image credits: wallpaperup.com, giphy.com, tenor.com, tumblr.com

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One thought on “If Brooklyn Nine-Nine characters were examinees

  • March 24, 2019 at 8:32 PM

    This is so damn good!

    Reply

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